The world's most honest store

Buy nothing.
Retire Iain.

Every other store sells you things you don't need. We've removed the things. 100% of your money goes towards one man, one wife, two small children, and a mortgage with main-character energy.

Total cost of retiring Iain
£1,491,564
↓ £142 since launch · that's the spirit
Both children at full CPAG rate, Mrs Iain, holidays, the mortgage's £170,212 of interest, and 2% inflation throughout. The newborn is not getting a discount.
Progress towards freedom 0.071%
At this rate, Iain retires in the year 9574. He remains hopeful.
Raised so far
£142
↑ £142 vs doing nothing
Products shipped
0
as promised
Estimated retirement
9574
at current pace · AD
Refunds processed
0
policy: no

The full invoice

The lifetime cost of Iain: itemised, researched, deeply upsetting.

View as table
Methodology: CPAG Cost of a Child 2025 (£250,000 to age 18, couple family), NimbleFins average family holiday abroad (£4,678/yr), 2% Bank of England target inflation over each cost's horizon, 4.5% mortgage APR over 25 years, and vibes. Yes, we accounted for inflation. You were going to ask.

The urgent bit: actual debts

One bar. Mostly mortgage. Donations are applied to the mortgage first.

View as table

Paths to freedom

Projected cost of Iain remaining, 2026 to 2056. One of these lines needs your help.

View as table

Shop the collection

Four ways to own nothing. Each one identical. Each one nothing. Every payment is a voluntary gift to Iain. You receive no goods or services, as promised.

∅
Nothing
Our entry-level absence. Contains no materials, ships in no packaging, arrives never.
£5
∅
Premium Nothing
Identical to Nothing, but you paid more, and that says something beautiful about you.
£20
∅
Artisanal Nothing
Small-batch, hand-selected absence. Sourced ethically from an empty room in Yorkshire.
£50
Limited edition
∅
Absolutely Nothing
The flagship. Numbered edition of ∞. Certificate of inauthenticity not included.
£100
Name your Nothing
Pay what you want. Every amount buys exactly the same product, which is nothing. The mortgage does not judge, it only absorbs.
Apple Pay Google Pay Cards PayPal one tap, zero products

The serious bit

Nothing here is for sale, including the Nothing. Every payment is a voluntary gift to Iain, a private individual. He is not a charity, a business, or an investment. You receive no goods, services, or perks in return, and gifts are non-refundable and not tax-deductible. If that paragraph made our imaginary lawyer happy and you slightly sad, the £5 Nothing is a proven remedy.

Live activity

A dramatic reconstruction of people receiving nothing.

    Customer reviews

    All 1 of them.

    ★★★★★
    "Life-changing. Well, life-adjacent."
    Iain, verified beneficiary
    100% of reviewers would recommend this store to people who owe them nothing.