Every other store sells you things you don't need. We've removed the things.
100% of your money goes towards one man, one wife, two small children, and a mortgage
with main-character energy.
Total cost of retiring Iain
£1,119,030
↓ £142 since launch · that's the spirit
Debts, both children at full CPAG rate, Mrs Iain, holidays, and 16 more years of the big shop. The newborn is not getting a discount.
Progress towards freedom0.071%
At this rate, Iain retires in the year 7689. He remains hopeful.
Raised so far
£142
↑ £142 vs doing nothing
Products shipped
0
as promised
Estimated retirement
7689
at current pace · AD
Refunds processed
0
policy: no
The full invoice
The lifetime cost of Iain — itemised, researched, and deeply upsetting.
View as table
Methodology: CPAG Cost of a Child 2025 (£250,000 to age 18, couple family), NimbleFins average family holiday abroad (£4,678), and vibes.
The urgent bit — actual debts
One bar. Mostly mortgage. We admire its confidence.
View as table
Paths to freedom
Projected cost of Iain remaining, 2026–2056. One of these lines needs your help.
View as table
Shop the collection
Four ways to own nothing. Each one identical. Each one nothing.
Every payment is a voluntary gift to Iain — you receive no goods or services, as promised.
∅
Nothing
Our entry-level absence. Contains no materials, ships in no packaging, arrives never.
£5
∅
Premium Nothing
Identical to Nothing, but you paid more, and that says something beautiful about you.
£20
∅
Artisanal Nothing
Small-batch, hand-selected absence. Sourced ethically from an empty room in Yorkshire.
£50
Limited edition
∅
Absolutely Nothing
The flagship. Numbered edition of ∞. Certificate of inauthenticity not included.
£100
Name your Nothing
Pay what you want. Every amount buys exactly the same product, which is nothing.
The mortgage does not judge, it only absorbs.
Apple PayGoogle PayCardsPayPalone tap, zero products
The serious bit
Nothing here is for sale, including the Nothing. Every payment is a
voluntary gift to Iain, a private individual — not a charity, not a business, not an investment.
You receive no goods, services, or perks in return, and gifts are non-refundable and not
tax-deductible. If that paragraph made our imaginary lawyer happy and you slightly sad,
the £5 Nothing is a proven remedy.
Live activity
A dramatic reconstruction of people receiving nothing.
Customer reviews
All 1 of them.
★★★★★
"Life-changing. Well — life-adjacent."
— Iain, verified beneficiary
100% of reviewers would recommend this store to people who owe them nothing.